Dude...Where's My Car?

So, this morning, due to the stringent parking laws of this wonderful city, I was forced to wake myself up far before my chosen wakeup time of 12PM to move my car for alternate side. You see, thanks to my chosen profession, I am currently on the fabled "Summer Vacation," and choose to sleep as late as possible each day to make up for the fact that my free time, life, and sleep will be sacrificed to the rigors of teaching high school math and computer science (and yes, I do love my job). Needless to say, then, I was not all too pleased to wake up at 10AM to move said vehicle.

Worse off, being that I live in the capital of alternate-side parking, the task of moving said vehicle was not a simple one. In fact, I felt like a tourist as I slowly drove down every side street looking to avoid the ever-omnipresent "TUES AND FRI" or "FRI" signs. Of course, 20 minutes later, I find a spot a block from my apartment.

Now, being that I have been home these days during the hours of 11:30AM to 1PM, I have been able to observe the alternate-side emptiness of my block, and those blocky vehicles coming by to sweep up the block to preserve its ultimate cleanliness. There was a problem, though...

The sweepers don't come. Ever.

You see, back in my days of living in the beautiful, tree-lined neighborhood of Whitestone, Queens, I was able to observe said sweepers as they trudged down the street slowly, making herky-jerky turns as they "swept" the streets clean (in fact, they moreso pushed the garbage around...). So, I know what they look like. I know that they are supposed to be there.

Then it dawned on me. They aren't going to come.

Yes, this is actually a ploy, deviously designed by Michael Bloomberg (my, like, favoritest politician like, everrrr) to "get the suckers".

Think about it. How can the city siphon money into its cash-hungry coffers that are supposedly empty due to the recession? Cut down/eliminate most of the street sweepers, whilst making residents continue to move their cars for alternate side. Moreover, since most residents will forget to move their car (especially if they are arriving home so late that they forget where they actually parked), the city gains $115 for each poor sucker who falls prey to Bloomberg's devious plan.

Yes, I know this sounds like a gigantic conspiracy theory, but to be honest, if I have to constantly move my car from side to side (of the street), then I should be moving it for a purpose, right?

Commence your written attacks....now!